Been a while.
Just some thoughts running through my head.
What is value?
What makes something valuable?
Is there an objective reality or is it all subjective?
My feelings and my beliefs shift and twist and meet and diverge. I wish I could say that they are one and the same but they aren’t. Things I thought I wanted; I’m not sure about anymore. Goals I was sure I’d meet; I don’t even know if they’re my goals anymore. The things I value shift and change. Does that make me an imposter? Does it make me fake? Does it make me human?
Do I have intrinsic value.
Do I have value, am I worth something just for being alive?
I’m not sure; not anymore.
I used to believe it. Do I still?
Maybe I do and simply my feelings override it?
It doesn’t feel like I have value.
At least not all the time.
But value must be subjective. Euros are worth nothing in America. Money today would be worth nothing 3000 years ago. Some people don’t even value money at all and could care less if you’re a millionaire or homeless. If you aren’t satisfied with being a millionaire since you “could” be a billionaire, does being a millionaire have any value?
I wish I had all the answers, or even some of them.
I’m reminded about this last shabbos when me and a really good friend of mine were talking about concepts, and what’s right, wrong, black, white, and gray. I don’t really remember what it was about but it doesn’t matter anyway. I just remember replying.
“I don’t know. And you know what; I don’t think we have to know. I don’t think I have to know what’s going on. I think..were all just constantly re-figuring things out. And that’s life. No one really knows.”
I’ll stand by that now.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll see the value.
Today I don’t.
At least I can hope.