Long time no speak…I was beginning to think that this blog had been ignored since well, I had sorta been ignoring it for the past bit but when I logged in I see I still have multiple visitors every day! Isn’t that wonderful!
Yes, seminary is amazing. It’s keeping me busy. It’s a lot of hard inner work, and just because it is absolutely fantastic, doesn’t mean life feels that way all the time. (Just saying, in case anyone out there was wondering how anyone could be so content) Hashem will send you challenges anywhere you go.
So what about seminary do I love love love? Well, they take all these topics, like tzniyus, kollel, etc and actually explain it. Crazy, right? I mean, stuff that no one ever really gives an answer for so you begin to think subconsciously that 3/4 of the frum population must be complete morons because nothing makes any actual sense. Well I have comes from the depths of my seminary year to tell you that things actually have explanations for them.
Get this, when you understand why things are the way they are, you may just begin to not just like the way the system works, but to actually actively want that for yourself.
I’ve been writing less poetry, but I’m getting interested in short stories. Plus my school speaks english now so I work on all the writing projects in school. In our school newsletter I’ve been working with humour writing, which I said I wanted to try out a while ago. It seemed like girls thought it was funny by their hysterical laughter.
Besides the actual growth, the environment: girls, teachers, and everything is just so wonderful. The group of girls I got stuck with are an amazing bunch who really want to grow, and really want to connect. Baruch Hashem there’s so much to be grateful for!
I’m ironing out what I want in life, it was clear before but much clearer now.
We had an activity with our madrichot a while back where we made collages out of newspapers. It was so funny to see me in one of them as I was cutting and gluing!
As always an update on my emotions is due. Like I wrote back in December: Baruch hashem I’ve come along way in that part, as anyone who has read this for a while can remember. I struggled and struggled until I finally beat it. Just because I beat it doesn’t mean I don’t have the struggle. I just now know how to defend myself and attack the enemy.
So I’m still going strong, Hashem likes to send me stuff though, and recently I got a new type of struggle in that area that I was definitely not equipped to deal with (probably just because it had never come up since I made the decision to fight against this [basically…past 5 years or so]). Baruch Hashem though, I’m working through it and educating myself better. We are never truly done working, are we? I’m learning how to better understand myself and name my emotions. Trying to figure out where they come from etc.
That’s the thing on my mind right now. We had another shabbaton a while ago and that sorta heightened that struggle again. You could say I failed, and I could say I did my best factoring in everything going on at the time.
Anyway, I’m sorry I’m so busy.
I do check my emails though, so if you want to contact me personally, to talk, ask questions, etc feel free to do so.
Just letting you guys know…I’m still alive. 🙂
– Hadassi Shachar