Mumble Jumble


Trying so hard
yelling at my head
discontentment, resentment
for no reason that I comprehend
when all should be good
I feel at wits end

Its raining screams tonight
got an umbrella for the pain?
I’m sick of drawing in puddles
seeing the reflection in the rain
broken from seeing the dreams
getting washed away again and again

I open the books and they’re all the same
the beat of life has just lost it’s flame
it’s going down hill, back from where them came
Is there any any chance of the glory for me to reclaim?

I’m sorry my post is so late. I’ve been busy getting ready for seminary. I’m still trying to find a way to post from seminary, it will be hard but I will make it work somehow. It’s very hard since most seminary’s make you use a computer in a public area. Not that I have much to hide but, as you all know this is under a pen name. So maybe I do have something to hide.

Anyway, you remember, last week’s post about Emunah. I was confused for so many months, then I felt like I had clarity! Then I took that clarity and threw it away, I didn’t act on it enough and know I just feel upset about it all.

I know Hashem is always there, and when I’m ready I’ll reclaim that clarity. I just wish I was ready now. I don’t want to be upset, especially now when everything is really going well and turning around…but I guess I’m just a bit dissapointed in myself.

But don’t worry about me. I’ll get up tomorrow and move on.
I guess next week’s post will probably have something to do with seminary and my thoughts on that, starting anew, moving on, etc. The week after that I have no idea honestly. I do not know what I’m getting myself into do I?

Wish me luck! Be in touch!
– Hadassi Shachar hadassishachar@gmail.com

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4 Comments

  1. Hadassi, just last week I was feeling overwhelmed. After speaking to a friend about it… She told me to breathe, chill out-take it slow and let the clarity as it will come begin to flow. It’s that let go an let G-d moment. I wish you a lot of luck:)

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  2. Hadassi, I didn’t know someone else had the words I needed. Thank you for this. Going through a lot of ‘stuff’ and sometimes, my brain just explodes trying to deal with all of it. I think you’ve captured everything I was trying to say, and it’s a huge step forward.

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