Purim, masks, and school


Hello all. This is just going to be a long weird post about Purim and some other stuff!

Purim is always interesting by me.
5 years ago-it was my last purim in the USA, I got blood all over my costume, and there was no one to hang out with.
4 years ago- It was about a month since I had been in Israel, everything was just fuzzy, new, and confusing. I felt like I had gotten drunk and my memories escape me.
3 years ago- I tell my friends I have known for less then a year that we are moving to central Israel, lots of crying involved.
2 years ago-My father was sick, I was an emotional wreck, and we were having the meal by the most strangest and annoying people in the entire world.
1 year ago- I had a major stomach virus and was literally like throwing up every half an hour. The seudah was at the same people as the year before and I decided my bed sounded safest but a friend of mine dragged me to her house (even though I was crazy sick) and we actually had a good time.

This year- well things are still weird with some of my friends, former friends? Not sure exactly what anyone is to me anymore. It’s a a complicated daze and mess of senior year. No idea who is going to give shaloch manos to me at all, if I’ll get anything. After Purim there’s literally 2 days of schools sine we have to practice for our play and then Pesach break starts (it starts Rosh Chodesh Nissan here) and after Pesach we just show up for tests-so Purim is like basically the end of high school. (And no, I still have NO IDEA where I am going for next year!) Having a bunch of finals in hebrew doesn’t make the rest of the year sound too fun to me anyway. 

In reality I should be happy, or happier anyway. Next year hopefully will bring me to new beginnings and places I have been waiting for for so long. For some reason I’m just feeling eh-ish right now. School is hard. I still feel as if I don’t really belong anywhere in this world. I’ve always felt that way, just floating around. For some reason it’s been bothering me a lot now, whether I show it or not.

Purim is all about masks, it’s about the things we put on us, say, or do to protect us from the peering judgments of the real world. My name- Hadassi Shachar is a mask. Our faces can show all types of masks, the things we say to people that can sometimes be a bit removed from the truth is a mask, a protector for ourselves.

You say masks are bad, I have to disagree. Without masks we would not be able to go a day without breaking down, falling, and feeling vulnerable. Without a mask I would not have the chance of doing anything. My mask, my pen names shield me from people who don’t understand and think they do. Reality isn’t in our hands, and sometimes it is annoying. It’s annoying that I am judged, thought of as second hand goods, and have all the local yentas and non local yentas talking about me. But masks don’t last forever. I have been unmasked many times under different names and each time it upsets me. 

You shouldn’t be embarrassed to be under a mask. Not at all. I write under this mask and I am proud. I am proud of what I do. I use a mask as a tool. A tool to show people what lies under others masks. I am proud to use a mask, I am proud that I am able to write. 

What lies under the mask is what matters.
And you know some people aren’t smart enough to be able to comprehend my awesomeness, and what lies under my mask. So I stay with a mask.
Some people don’t know a good thing if it’s right in front of them.

Subscribe         🙂
Comment        ❤ Hadassi
Email me         hadassi98@gmail.com

 

 

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