Sorry I haven’t written but my mind feels like a big blank. I think I’ve started this post about 5 times so far and kept deleting what I wrote because I need to write about something real. Something tangible. I need to write about something that has meaning, backbone, content, and substance to it.
If you have noticed most of the things I write about are like that, in fact such topics are usually the ones on my mind and the things I enjoy talking about- meaning, philosophy, poetry, abstract ideas, rants, arguments. I do admit I love just hanging out, having fun, going to the mall and stuff, but I think I’d die if I didn’t have a few conversations with more substance in them every day.
By me, ideas and such thoughts flit in and out of my mind along with any fantasy stories, lyrics, and poetry that I make up throughout the day. The ideas that stick in my head, bother me, and need more time to think about them are the ones that usually end up on my blog. That’s sorta how I write the stuff here although sometimes I just open my laptop and the words seem to fly out.
One of the things on my mind now has been the bus crash of the 402# bus from Yerushalayim to bnei brak. I remember specifically how my teacher was talking about how during all the attacks these past few months, during the wars, the fires, stonings, and killings-we all blame the arabs. But this time, there’s no arab to blame. The only person we can truly turn to is Hashem because it was all an accident. (Which of course it wasn’t if handled by G-d) Suddenly now we really look to Hashem. Before we just said, “Okay I won’t go near arab cities, I won’t go here, I’ll just do that, I’ll just ignore this…” the list goes on and on. But all it is just wisps of smoke. It’s a smoke veil before our eyes, and only when the smoke settles do we see it’s Hashem. (Although the court found the driver guilty for being distracted and this was his 2nd big accident)
And even the times we do see past the smoke, it just comes back again. Our memory fails us as we forget constantly who is running the show.
I was just talking to a friend about being self conscious. The idea of always being aware of what you are doing, typically in a negative perspective such as always failing, looking bad, getting no where, being an idiot…on and on. I think we just need to be G-d conscious. Being always aware of what G-d is doing, that it’s really him everywhere and there is no one to fear but him.
Because he is the smoke.
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