Questions on life, Creativity types, and highs-A RANT

Why is life so unfair?
I have been talking about this idea with so many people recently and it’s really on my mind. Hear me out a bit guys- you have a kid who went through a hard childhood, or was in foster care or something and has to work really hard to be a healthy adult. Or you have another kid who has mental issues and works hard to overcome them, or so many other things that not everyone has. 

Why are you considered second class if you didn’t have the picture perfect childhood? I mean, more then the normal teenage moodiness, class politics, and loss of friends which is NORMAL. Why I am considered second class? I worked HARDER than all those other people considered “first class” to get to where I am today and I am considered second class? I have to be stuck with that label forever just because I worked harder? How does that make any sense?

Why will I have a harder time getting places, and doing things? People like me have a hard life, why is it made harder by having to deal with all this of being called second class? Why are we taken down and treated less well? How is that fair? Shouldn’t it be the opposite? How is it that the good decision is always the harder one? Should the good and bad decision be equal? I know Hashem wants to give you more merit but still…. I don’t really have answers-just a lot of questions. 

My second question is why is my fight worthless? I know Hashem sees my battle, but that doesn’t make me feel too much better. Let’s say a guy has a strong desire to have chocolate. He will hold him back 1000 times a day but no one knows about that; the only thing people see is the 10 times he did have chocolate. How is that fair at all? I can be working like an animal (which I am) to become a better person, Jew, healthy adult and NO ONE WILL SEE IT! No one will know, and the only thing I get told again and again is the 2 times I have failed out of the 1000 times I haven’t. It’s like my fight doesn’t matter.

Oh right, you are going to tell me all of these really sweet quotes about how it only matter what I think about myself, and how I see myself but reality isn’t that sugarcoated. It’s a balance between your inner world and the outer world. Of course if you don’t believe in yourself-why should the world believe in you? But I’m saying you can believe in yourself and all and that you are fighting so hard but still, that doesn’t mean anyone else can recognize and appreciate how much you are doing. But what is more important? Your inner or outer world?

The most frustrating thing in this world is not being respected, appreciated, or recognized. I once had a dream about running away and coming back to my home with no one recognizing me. Trust me, it’s like the scariest thing out there. 

Okay, rant over. Now I will attempt to answer myself.

Why do we (second class-people who have dealt with a harder life) have to work harder than other people? Well, I can’t answer that-only Hashem can. I guess I just have to believe in him. To him it makes sense and his sense is far beyond what we can even dream of.

Why is my fight worthless to the outside world? We have to put on a show to be healthy adults. But we need to be appreciated and respected for our battles by not only ourselves alone- this is why you need a group of family members, friends, mentors, and teachers to support you and appreciate you fully.

But what is more important? Your inner or outer world? You’re inner world 100 percent is more important although the outer world is very important to.

I know I made a lot of valid points yet could not answer most of them. I’m sorry, this is just what’s on my mind. I’m no teacher, just a teen. Tell me what you think!

Here’s a video that really explains how I’ve been feeling lately. WARNING: Non Jewish animation+plus music is below. It is 100 percent clean-just not Jewish

Seriously that main point this animation goes for is that we need both ourselves and the outer world. It always shows how we need each other, chesed, giving and taking to survive and deal with life. We need to give and get, help people when they are down and hep ourselves too. Life is all about balance. Balancing goals, reality, inner world, outer world, giving, taking, and so much more!!! That’s the only thing I can really say for now! The animation also gives over all the different ways people express themselves.

I especially like how it says “I don’t need substance to stay high” – it really shows how a real high is defined by more than using substance, it’s spiritual, it’s a connection to yourself, it’s when you know where you are going, where your goals are, and who you are! Like I feel “high” when I write. It was showing how everyone has their own “highs” and not from substance! Everyone has their own thing, writing, dancing, business, music, drawing, animation, humour, speaking, and so much more!!! That one thing that makes them feel high! That’s  a REAL high guys!

Trust in G-d and just do your best. Give. Life. Love. Laugh. Balance. We need each other to survive.

But in our darkest moments, together we’ll be fine
We’ll help each other climb,
I’ll help you reach your prime,
I’ll make sure you can find me when I’m done with my alone time…

Sorry if this was a bit too jumbled!!
Tell me what you think!
❤ Hadassi
hadassi98@gmail.com