I’m scared for shabbaton.
I’m scared I will get overwhelmed.
I’m scared I’ll do something stupid.
I’m scared…that I’ll be alone.
It’s take a lot of courage to type this right now, and even more so to actually press the publish button whizzing my insecurities across the web for every single person in the entire world to be able to see. But when I think about it rationally-the benefits outweigh the risks.
There’s one little me, the weirdo writing her insecurities for anyone to see-but then there’s a million of you. You-the readers who too has her own insecurities but would probably does not talk much of them, and surely doesn’t post about them on the internet-even if it’s under a pen name. (Although about half my readers do know me in real life so that’s a lot scarier)
Everyone has fears, insecurities. Sure most of us (or the normal of us) don’t shout them, or write them on their forehead or well write about them on the internet. But I guess I’m different.
I know there is other girls out there going through what I’m going through. Maybe not in the idea of having a panic attack but shabbaton comes with many other insecurities-everyone can connect to something. Even if you love shabbaton there’s at least one thing you are worried about or are scared will be laughed at for or will get out.
Why was I not picked to head something? Everyone else is always chosen, am I not good enough? I don’t have what to wear! What if I get stuck in the wrong room? Or my friends don’t come? What if it’s boring? What will everyone else be wearing? What if I don’t know the songs? Do I want to go? What if I sleep talk? Will everyone think I’m weird for wanting to do (insert minhag or action you usually do here)? (Lighting candles, sleeping with a stuffed animal, singing a different tune…) What if I look fat? What if my makeup smears? What if I look anorexic?
How can we deal with our insecurities and not let them control our lives?
1. Admit to yourself that you have insecurities.
Admit what they are, where they come from, and most importantly that it’s OKAY. It’s normal. No matter what you are nervous or insecure about it’s okay for you to feel like that. Heck, it’s okay for you tell feel anyway you do and anyone who tells you otherwise is WRONG. -Don’t listen to those people.
Sometimes in your head your insecurities sound silly. You say to yourself “Oh C’mon, who is insecure or scared about _______, it’s so silly. If I told anyone they would just laugh” That’s NOT true. Look how you feel, how nervous you are-it’s real. It’s okay. Don’t tell yourself the opposite. I also promise you that your friend won’t think it’s silly. No matter what it is-if it’s real it’s certainly not silly and a real person who has their own insecurities and so on knows that.
If you can’t admit your insecurities to yourself, then you’re never going to be able to deal with them. After all, you can’t solve a problem until you admit it exists.
Seriously, take 5 minutes now to write down a list of everything that you’re insecure about.
2. Admit to others that you have insecurities
I know it’s scary. I know it’s going to be tough. But it’s the fastest and easiest way to overcome your insecurities. When we realize we aren’t alone and everyone has something we can relate to we don’t feel so detached and different anymore. Ultimately we feel we are different, looked at as different, and won’t belong-but just talking about it and validating yourself with another person can help you feel so much better!
When you talk about it it helps you mind feel it’s more real. Then it’s not just in your thoughts, you are hearing it with your own ears and talking to people about it. This helps it feel more real, normal, and okay. Haven’t you noticed so many times when we talk to friends about a problem all the solution come from us to. I believe friends are just a springboard to express and figure out our own thoughts sometimes.
3. Eliminate all those from your life who try to take advantage of your insecurities
There’s no point in pretending that everyone you meet is going to gently and calmly reassure you that you’re a valuable part of their life and that your insecurities don’t matter. If there’s a person, situation, or thing that triggers your insecurities try to avoid it. I’m not saying you should run away from your problems and if everything in your ife triggers it then obviously that is not an option. But let’s say you have a specific girl in your class that always makes fin of you or makes you feel like dirt and you don’t have the energy to focus into working on making you tougher to her attacks right now (since you can’t change her) than avoid her.
Don’t waste your energy on things that will go away and can’t be dealt with more effectively. Your energy goes toward schoolwork, Hashem, friends, and family. Don’t overspend it. If you want to try and use some of it there-go for it. But if it taxes you too much it might be sign from Hashem that the solution is to put your energy elsewhere.
At least now you know who is not a good idea to make friends with. 😉
4. Prove to yourself that you can be happy and fulfilled regardless of what you’re insecure about
No matter what bothers you or you are insecure about you can be happy with it. Hashem gave it to you. You can deal with it. Prove to yourself that you can do it.The deepest and strongest connections you can create are ones based on open, honest, real, sharing and finding other who have had the same experiences as you. So don’t worry.
Back to me and my story:
Well, I feel much better. I was at a kumzitz (imagine a bunch of teenage girls in a cicel singing songs about G-d) and I cried, and you know-I feel like Hashem was telling me that I shouldn’t worry about shabbaton. He’s going to take care of it.
I’ve been feeling for a while that feeling you get when Hashem is trying to tell you something. I’ve been hearing the same message from varius people recently. The message is that
- Hashem is in the realm of supernatural.
- He is the root of all blessing
- He is the only one who can help me
And once I realize what Hashem wants from me in this situation, gain from it-take the blessing out of it for myself, only then will he take me out of here.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter! Please comment below!
You are welcome to send me any literature, questions, comments, ideas, and feedback to firstname.lastname@example.org