How are you feeling today?
A typical reply from a frum teenage girl would probably be- “good, baruch hashem”. Perhaps if you know the questioner a bit better your reply could be “I’m a bit down” or “I got so angry at my sister today” or “I’m so happy! You have to see my history test mark!”
If you regularly read my posts you know that the 3 ideas I refer to over and over are:
1. You can do anything with 4 things: desire, tefillah, motivation, and help from Hashem
2. All of your answers lie in yourself. You are the best person to solve your problems. If you sit with yourself long enough-you can know the answer to almost anything about yourself and what to do.
3. Every person is a whole world and is completely different so we never judge anyone else and stereotype.
In any case-one of the best tools for solving your problems and working on yourself lies in yourself. Although all your tools do-this perhaps is a tool looked over a lot. I have spoken a lot about being strong and accepting your feelings but I haven’t addressed how to figure out your feelings, have I?
And I know you are most definitely smirking and thinking “Uh, hello-it’s really not that hard for me to know my feelings. I mean like…sometimes I don’t know them..” and then you think and realize that actually a lot of times you get confused about what you are feeling. That is completely normal with hundreds of feelings and many different places they stem from. Coupled with the fact you can feel many different feelings for one situation/thing/person and we deal with at least a few hundred people, things, and situations daily it’s no wonder that you can figure out half of your feelings! A complete miracle I say!
There was a study done that showed that most people only use the same 10 emotions to describe their feelings. (More or less) and the same is said for those popular emojis. Most people use the same 10 ones over and over.
There are hundreds of feeling we don’t use!
“Uh, so like okay that’s nice to know and all, but like why should I care?”
You should care. Because we can only diffuse a situation when we go to it’s root. If you have reached the wrong address, than you can’t address the real problem. Like I thought I was angry when my sister was wearing my leggings, and perhaps I was angry cuz those leggings are soooooooooooo comfy and she has a 90 percent chance of ruining them. When I remembered that those leggings have holes in them versus my second pair of them that doesn’t I still wanted them back, or for her to have a punishment.
So I was just still angry…right?
No, it had become a power struggle. The tools in my emotional toolboxto diffuse anger and diffuse the feelings of being overpowered and manipulated by my little sister are well….different.
So what can I do to help my self at getting better at naming my feelings? Well, you can look up a feeling and it’s definition every morning and try to use it through out they day. Try and educate yourself and add words to your vocabulary long with more tools for your emotional toolbox to help you become a better and more in touch with yourself person.
I know it’s really hard. I myself realized today that I’m trying to control my feelings yet do not know what half of them are. That’s a really big part of the problem. You can sit with a friend, mentor, or teacher and talk about what you feel and describe it so you can together figure out what you are feeling.
Below here is a list of a bunch of feelings to get you started in growing your vocabulary. Good luck!
Keep up all the emails, comments, subscriptions, and so on…
feeling of losing yourself
Grayness (things being bland)
Lack of trust
Lack of self