I want to share a poem from frumhangout.com
Don’t shut down just yet.
No, really, don’t.
Hear me out,
Let me say something first –
It isn’t a dress code.
Yes, your school makes a big deal out of it.
Yes, your parents are always yelling at you about it.
Yes, I know, those girls look nerdy and you like fashion.
I know. Really. I promise.
But please just listen.
Just try to put every speech out of your mind that you ever heard about tznius.
What if you gave it a chance?
You might say you’ve done that time after time.
You’ve gotten that burst of inspiration and you’ve starting warming to the idea of being someone who is dressed stylish but modest.
And then something happened.
A “who does she think she is?” look.
And suddenly, just like that, the inspiration left.
Vanished, without a trace.
And this time, you ran the other way, completely in the opposite direction.
But now, think for a moment –
All your talk about “being your own person” and needing to “stand out” and not wanting to be “controlled” by anyone?
That’s all an excuse.
You are controlled.
By the comments, the smirks, the looks, and the lack of looks.
You are letting everyone but yourself determine how you will look, act, and be.
Is that control?
I don’t think so.
Are you still reading?
Please hear me out completely.
Darling, you think you know it all about tznius, don’t you?
You think it’s old fashioned; archaic; prehistoric.
I don’t blame you.
They’ve presented it wrong.
They’ve never heard your questions or given you answers.
Of course you resent it.
No one would blame you for not wanting anything to do with tznius.
Notice I keep saying that word you despise so much – tznius.
Why, you may ask?
Because I want you to get used to that word.
That word is not them and their mistakes in giving it over.
Tznius is beauty.
It’s nothing if not beautiful.
Well, let’s talk about it.
But first you have to let go.
Don’t let them control your feelings and thoughts about it.
I understand –
You’ve been offended and hurt and misjudged and looked down at.
But let go.
Take a deep breath and just take your foot off the pedal and let go.
Are you looking at the word with a fresh perspective?
It seems different now, no?
Now, I won’t tell you all about how you’re a princess because unless you’re from England (which you might be!) that concept is totally foreign to you.
So I’ll just tell you that you are a person.
Yes, it’s that simple.
You’re a person.
You deserve respect and love and appreciation and you deserve to have someone knowing all about you and accepting you as you are.
So, yes, tznius.
Tznius is a character trait.
It isn’t a dress code and it should never have become one.
It’s not nerdy or uncool.
It’s not for losers.
It’s for someone who is a person.
It’s for someone who wants to be seen by the world as a person.
Something inside of you is resisting what I’m saying, right?
Why is that, you’re wondering?
Because everything you have ever heard about tznius made it sound like rules, and you’re a rule-breaker.
Everything you’ve ever heard about tznius made it seem restricting, ugly, suffocating and overwhelming, right?
It isn’t all that.
Tznius is freedom.
It’s being able to let go of their opinions and be yourself – you owe that much to yourself, don’t you think?
Tznius is like wine –
It’s an acquired taste.
Not at all.
How is it an acquired taste?
It doesn’t mean some like it, some don’t.
Acquired means it is owned by you.
Acquired means it is something one gains for oneself through action and effort.
You have to let go of their opinions first, though.
You have to view yourself as a person.
And most importantly, you have to make it yours.