Who is it really about? (+Poem)


There’s about 10 people that I trust in my life
But now they’ve split up into 2 groups and are having a fight
about me, about me, about me
and I don’t know which side is right

People from both sides look into my eyes
tell me opposite things, say the other side lies
about me, about me, about me
I just want to stay in bed forever and cry

I don’t know what I did, or whats wrong with me
I don’t know why everyone has a problem with me
about me, about me about me
She tells me I only think of myself, but then only talks about me

Hashem, Hashem please help me understand
I don’t know what is truth, who is good, who is bad
but it’s really all about you, about you, about you
So why do they say, it’s all about me?
Why is everyone talking about me?
Why is everyone discussing me?

Who cares, I don’t care-let them talk, let them talk
All this mess that exploded today is nothing, I thought
it’s about you, about you, about you
This has nothing to do with spirituality
So why let this get to me?
But when I exclaim that, one group agrees.
While the other claims it’s all about me
Everyone split up
Different things they see
Tell me Hashem, who do I believe?

Okay, a bit of an explanation. I can’t explain too much, but I’m going through a rough patch with my friends. It seems that a few girls got together and decided something about me. On the other side I have a few friends who don’t agree. Girls on both sides look into my eyes and ask them to trust me, then proceed to tell me the exact opposite from the other group. I feel like I need to choose. What did I do to be forced into this?

I was thinking at the end of today, about this whole mess. Who cares? It’s a battle against who knows me better, who cares for me, and what they think I should do with my life. But I know that my direction is wherever Hashem takes me. It’s all about HIM. NOT ME. Not my little insignificant life. My life is for him. When I say this, the first says regardless, I must do ______ . They also claim I think only of myself. Latter agrees solemnly that it’s all about Hashem and says that everything the first group says it shdus. Both claim to know me better, and therefore have the right to tell me what I need to do with my life.

How can I choose between my friends? I don’t even know if you understand any of this. I wish I could say things outright, but I’m afraid I can’t.

Everything just blew up today.
I have a strong bitachon that Hashem wants this, somehow. I know it’s going to make me stronger. I may cry every day, multiple times a day. I may want to kill myself for feeling like I don’t belong, for having feelings Hashem put in me, and being told that I can;t feel them.  A lot of things may happen to me.

But I don’t CARE. I am here for G-d and G-d only. For no one else. So go ahead, tell me what to do. At the end, it’s each man for himself. I don’t know who to believe from all the people above. But I know someone who isn’t a person. G-d.

I believe in him.
I guess that’s a start.
Email me questions, comments, ideas, chizuk, or literature to hadassi98@gmail.com
❤ Hadassi

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8 Comments

  1. Side note to all:
    I am thank G-d feeling WAAAAAAAAAAAY better, thanks to hasgata pratis of me speaking to a certain friend and cleared up misunderstandings. I know not everything is better, but I feel better, I feel better than I have in a while so that must mean things for me are good. Even if some of these relationships don’t work out.

    Good Night all!

    Like

  2. Did you ever consider seeing it from they’re point of view?
    I mean, I’m sure it’s really tough for them.

    Like

  3. It’s hard sometimes when people have misunderstandings and want you to choose. Don’t give to peer pressure, stay strong and stay true to good friends. I’m glad that B”H some things have been cleared up and you feel better B”H

    Like

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