Gevuros- Bringing back the dead? (Shemonei Esrei Musing Part 3)

I know I haven’t written recently, but I am sick, stuck at home 😦 and haven’t managed to get on the computer long enough to write a full post! I first want to thank all my new subscribers! If you haven’t subscribed (get an email every time I post) then you can learn how to do so here

Yesterday I was in Shemoneh Esrei, 2nd Brachah. Gevuros. This is the bracha where we tell Hashem how might he is, how he can do anything! He has no boundaries or places he can’t go. He is the almighty. We can understand that right? In my siddur I got the english under hebrew word for word, so I can concentrate and have kavanah for every word. Ussually I can think of a way it relates to my life, but sometimes it’s harder to do that. That is why here, I write about the parts you find it harder to understand and try to bring insight. The last two have been pretty deep:
Actually the Refa’ainu post in my opnion was my best and my favorite post.

But this isn’t too deep, but it is relevant.
In the brachah of Gevuros, we mention bringing back life to the dead. We all know B”H after Moshiach comes the dead will come back to life. We don’t know exactly when after Moshiach comes, but we know it will happen. Of course you should have that in mind when you say it, but what does that sentance mean for me as a struggling frum teen?

So what first came to my mind was a scene. A scene that had happened a few times, in different ways, but the most recent one came to mind. It was months ago, perhaps even over a year, I don’t remember.

I remember being on the phone with a good friend of mine (you know who you are! 😉 ) crying so hard I could not speak. She on the other hand had just answered her cell phone to my call and was freaking out cuz I wouldn’t (more like couldn’t since I was crying so hard) tell her a straight sentance for over 10 minutes. I was outside on a cool day, with the wind howling slighty, and the perfect wether. I was in a grassy park, away from everyone that I had run away to. It was empty, except for the sounds of my cries. I was sobbing and my friend was just like:

“Hadassi!! What is going on?? Please! What happened!? Just say something! One thing!!”

And when I could, the first thing that came out was. “Rivky (not her real name) my life is over”

So many times in life, we believe our life is over. The scene above probobly has not happened to you over 2 times, none if you have a pretty nice life. I suspect it’s happened to me 4 or 5 times, where I seriously could not think that my life could possibly continue.
But it did.

“So many times I have cried ‘my life is ending’
You can kick and scream
think the world is mean
‘my life is ending’
but it always goes on
yes always goes on”
– Chorus from “My life is ending” – One of my songs)

Hashem so many times, brings us back from the dead, when we are at our lowest moments he brings us back to life, through a hug, a whisper, a smile, a book, tefilla, thought…
Hashem loves us and will never abandon us, he will bring us back to life, and give us the desire to live and go on a thousand time if need be.

This is the bracha where I ask Hashem that he bring me back, each day, renew me.  Don’t let me die Hashem. I have so much here I need to do!!!

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❤ Hadassi


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