Struggling to keep up, but being there for myself

So I was sitting on the bus today. With the music of ‘Hashem Melech’ blasting in my ears. Recently I’ve been going through a hard time. I haven’t been able to daven well, and I feel like seriously, what’s the point…like being here.

Every day I have to work so hard to keep up with life, with everyone else, and I just feel overwhelmed. Even though tests have ended, I’ve been so stressed.

But today, riding on the bus, I just felt better. I was looking around and tried to remind myself of where I was, and how far I’ve come. I looked around.
I am in Israel, in the land of the Jews, where everyone are my family.
I have the best friends in the world (you guyz know who you are) and a great school. I have so many things.

And all the things that are overwhelming me, all my struggles, and nisoynos I have every day. I would never ever trade them for anything else. Cuz I know deep down inside I can deal with them, even I feel I can’t now and I’ve been failing. These nisyonos I’ve had since I’ve born, and all have them until G-d takes them away. I’ve dealt with them before, even though it’s been rough. Even though I want to give up. Even though I get frustrated that what is natural for many people, they don’t realize is a nisayon for me each and every day.

But I need to deal with them, I need to stay strong. For if I don’t stay strong, and be there for myself, who will?

Here is one of the songs I staarted listening to a lot, it’s called B’Shem Hashem, it’s about the posuk of that wherever we go we have an angel on each side and Hashem is watching over us. It is very soothing when I feel like I am going crazy inside…its not a very good version…but it’;s not that bad!
❤ Hadassi


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