Huh….forgiveness is harder than I thought…
I mean, this teacher, I thought I had cleared up all my resentment for her in my last post. Then yesterday, I saw her at the center of the neighborhood where all the stores are and everyone hangs out. I hadn’t seen her since the summer (since she is not teaching this year, except for 2 lessons a week, in MY class, which I tend to ditch for obvious reasons) and I felt myself get all uptight and nervous, my breathing was hard, I felt like I had to put up all my defenses, and I was all tense.
Basically we passed each other, I pretended not see her and she pretended not to see me. Thing is, we both saw each other, and we both know it.
But that’s not my problem, my problem is, I don’t want to feel like this. It’s annoying, it makes me moody for at least a half an hour afterwords, I become all alert, and I can’t relax….it’s not fun. It’s not HER fault, I need to work on myself….but I never thought it could be so hard!!!!
Many times, we react to things in life automatically.
– When it feels like someone is going to attack us, we subconsciously become alert and put up all defenses.
– When we get annoyed at a sibling, our first reaction is to scream.
How can we change this??? How can we work on ourselves, our middos (our attributes)???
First of all we need a few things.
– Ratzon (Desire)
– Tefilla (Prayer)
– And help from G-d
Notice ability is not on the list. If you have these four things. You can do ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!
You can read every book, plan, try, and commit, but without the four things above, you get no where.
How, that is for YOU to figure out.
I am a strong beliver that being mature teen adults, we are able to find out most of the answers to our questions inside. I’m not talking bout philosophy stuff, or things in gemara. I am talking about life, what is wrong and not, what is good, what we should do, solutions, judging people favorably, understanding why we feel something and how to control it, how to work on ourselves….
I hope everyone has a amazing, great stress free Rosh Hashana!
I thought of a great resolution, that is not such a big step, but will make a huge difference. I was thinking about telling my friends, since I was so excited…then I decided, that I want THIS resolution to be between only me and Hashem…
And it makes me feel so good….
Be in touch!!!!